I love how certain songs really move us in certain times of our lives...like "This I Promise You" by N'Sync when I was a teeny bopper...haha, thankfully the times and songs have changed. So the theme song for my life recently has been, "I Will Waste My Life" by Misty Edwards, it's on her album Relentless. I can't recommend this album more.
The lyrics to the song go a little something like this:
"I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I
Press on, yes I press on ...
For I am in love with you,
And there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
And there is no loss..."
The song ends with "I wanna cling to you." This song "struck a chord" in me cause I realize that's been our journey since we've been with YWAM. Jon and I have left everyone and everything we love behind (including the comforts of free healthcare!!) to pursue God's calling on our lives here in the middle of nowhere.
I'm discipling a young woman right now who recently left the army (National Guard) to pursue God in a deeper way and she said missions work is exactly like the army. The world's army is similar to God's in that as soon as you give your life to Him, you're automatically enrolled in His army, you give up all your rights (your wants, your finances, etc.) to fight not only for your freedom in Him, but for the freedom of others. In the world's army, you get your "orders" and get deployed...right now, Jon and I are waiting for our "orders." There's a few differences though, like in the world's army, most are fighting for their own glory, but in God's army, we're fighting for His glory.
And funny enough, Loren Cunningham has been speaking this week about what it means to really follow God; what it means to lay down our lives for our King, to live a life of devotion and daily obedience. You can find similar teachings of Loren's on the free podcast, "Fire and Fragrance..."
The other night, coming home late and exhausted from a long day, I went to bed knowing it was worth it all. I had spent the evening at a women's shelter, talking with women who had escaped abusive situations - while giving massages to them (working in a spa taught me a few tricks). A few women on the base get together once a month to put on a spa night for women who've experienced domestic violence, and I got to join them...and will hopefully get to continue to, it's great to get more into the community. To be able to speak hope into one mother's situation and for her to hear testimonies of how God's redeemed my life, by the end of it, I could tell seeds of hope and life were planted in her heart.
There are just so many other stories of seeing God break into people's lives with healing and restoration that I walk away knowing why I've left everything and everyone behind. For others to know the Jesus who has loved them before the beginning of time and who will always radically love them. I don't care what it costs us, wherever God takes us in the future, I want to be so in awe of God, so thankful for Him and in love with Him that I won't care what it costs me.
Cause at the end of it all, all I can do is cling to the One I love, the One I've chosen to trust, the One who's proven Himself faithful and good over and over. And with this, I press on. Sometimes painfully press on.
Hopefully this song, or our stories, are of some encouragement to you wherever you're at in life. I don't wanna assume I have it all together, cause I certainly don't...I'm still learning how to give up certain areas of life (like Jon) for Him. But I know Jesus is so worthy of not just my life, but my love and deepest affections. And every person in this world and in my life, no matter what they've done, are worthy of my love because He's found me worthy of His.
So I joyfully waste my life on learning how to live for God with selfless love. I've always loved this quote, "It's better to live for something than to die for nothing."
For His glory, let's live for Him together,
- tami