**this is obviously not a comprehensive, theological summary of what christianity is, I write it to share what my journey with God has been, has meant to me and I write it praying that I can look back and be reminded of God's goodness and that your somehow encouraged by it...**
"Intimacy void of surrender will always lead to adultery." Our school leader, Andy Byrd, made this powerful statement when he taught on God's love. Now while this isn't a bible verse that you'd find on a fancy plaque, it's a truth we see throughout the bible...best example is the Israelites. Simply put, if we want to really get closer to God, we've gotta be willing to surrender everything or else face the reality and consequence of being tempted by those same things we couldn't surrender (like idols in our hearts like people or things). To the measure we're willing to surrender is the measure in which Jesus can dwell in us. This was a huge truth that took me a while to chew on and digest but once I got it, it made my whole walk with God up till then make sense and pretty much made the whole meaning of Christianity make sense.
So the definition of Christian is Christ in us, as in we're meant to be in a process of allowing more and more of Jesus into our lives until He completely takes over and we're one with Him (John 17:20-24). Connect the dots with me...the more we surrender is the more we're closer to God and is the more we can be the victorious, overcoming, more than conquerors Christians that we're supposed to be!! Life abundantly in Him as He intended from the beginning (John 10:10). Instead of being worried about so many things and overcome by the things of this world, being able to live in such a place of freedom, joy, peace and love unimaginable.
So for about a year now, I've been learning what it really means to be a Christian, a way where the Great Commission and Greatest Commandment can be powerfully fulfilled in our lives.
And we gotta remember He loves us unconditionally already, so He won't love us more or less depending on where we're at with Him in all of this...we're all walking this journey imperfectly and can be at rest in knowing His grace and love covers it all. It's simply that He wants us more free to receive more of His love and life to be able to give it away! God give us the grace to understand your desires for us, help us to lean into your grace to see all you want for our lives accomplished...
So growing up, I saw being a Christian as having God 'in my life,' kinda there on the sidelines as an accessory to life but not really being my life. He was there to help me get out of sticky situations, there to help me make big decisions, there to help me get the job I wanted and even there to show me when I messed up in life, but outside of this, I saw Him as distant. He did His thing and I did mine and every once in a while, I'd let him into my life...when I needed Him. Not realizing it, I was still living in the old testament where I was striving to earn God's approval, serving to be known as a great 'servant,' all the while, not actually seeing God as relationship but as dictatorship. Kinda like the older son in the parable of the prodigal son. And come to think of it, I always thought, "how could I spend an eternity with someone I don't even know if I love more than my own mother!?!" So by my late teens, I hadn't experienced a whole lot of God in my life so I began to turn away because I was too lazy, too hurt and too satistfied in the things of this world to really care about God.
Fastforward after many years of downward spiraling, when I finally chose to walk with God, I told Him I didn't want one of those mediocre Christian lives that I saw all around me growing up, I wanted to really experience and know Him for real and see His power at work in my life. Along the way of trying to figure this all out, I'd also met Jon, who was the first person I'd really seen living out true Christianity. He was so at peace in life, just so grounded, I don't even know how to describe it but his life caught my attention, and even the stories he shared about who God was in his life! We were obviously serving two different Gods!! But I was so intrigued that it made me hungry to pursue what he had - Jesus. I realized that being a Christian isn't about trying to be a better person or striving to please God in every way, it's about being willing to give up your independence and learning how to be dependent on Him in every way. It's about finding our identity, security, need for love, everything in Him and Him alone.
And we gotta remember He loves us unconditionally already, so He won't love us more or less depending on where we're at with Him in all of this...we're all walking this journey imperfectly and can be at rest in knowing His grace and love covers it all. It's simply that He wants us more free to receive more of His love and life to be able to give it away! God give us the grace to understand your desires for us, help us to lean into your grace to see all you want for our lives accomplished...
So growing up, I saw being a Christian as having God 'in my life,' kinda there on the sidelines as an accessory to life but not really being my life. He was there to help me get out of sticky situations, there to help me make big decisions, there to help me get the job I wanted and even there to show me when I messed up in life, but outside of this, I saw Him as distant. He did His thing and I did mine and every once in a while, I'd let him into my life...when I needed Him. Not realizing it, I was still living in the old testament where I was striving to earn God's approval, serving to be known as a great 'servant,' all the while, not actually seeing God as relationship but as dictatorship. Kinda like the older son in the parable of the prodigal son. And come to think of it, I always thought, "how could I spend an eternity with someone I don't even know if I love more than my own mother!?!" So by my late teens, I hadn't experienced a whole lot of God in my life so I began to turn away because I was too lazy, too hurt and too satistfied in the things of this world to really care about God.
Fastforward after many years of downward spiraling, when I finally chose to walk with God, I told Him I didn't want one of those mediocre Christian lives that I saw all around me growing up, I wanted to really experience and know Him for real and see His power at work in my life. Along the way of trying to figure this all out, I'd also met Jon, who was the first person I'd really seen living out true Christianity. He was so at peace in life, just so grounded, I don't even know how to describe it but his life caught my attention, and even the stories he shared about who God was in his life! We were obviously serving two different Gods!! But I was so intrigued that it made me hungry to pursue what he had - Jesus. I realized that being a Christian isn't about trying to be a better person or striving to please God in every way, it's about being willing to give up your independence and learning how to be dependent on Him in every way. It's about finding our identity, security, need for love, everything in Him and Him alone.
"Seriously, my life was not meant to be an example to copy. Being my follower is not trying to 'be like Jesus,' it means for your independence to be killed. I came to give you life, real life, my life. We will come and live our life inside of you, so that you can begin to see with our eyes, and hear with our ears, and touch with our hands, and think like we do. But we will never force that union on you. If you want to do your thing, have at it." - Jesus in 'The Shack'
"IT'S NOT YOU BETTER, IT'S YOU GONE!"
- MUSICIAN, JASON UPTON "FATHER IN HEAVEN
Thus began the process of surrendering and dying and I didn't even know it was happening or even have the words for it like I do now. I mean it's really the whole process of sanctification that Paul talks about in Romans, where it becomes less about ourselves and more about Jesus, where Jesus begins to fill us and lead us not just for when we're making big decisions in our lives but leading us moment to moment. And it doesn't mean dying to who I am as a person, obviously God created us with the personalities and gift-settings that we have for His purposes and glory, it means letting go of the things He didn't create us with or for.
I began to learn who He created me to be and as I allowed Him to, He slowly stripped away the things that held me back from this, like just being plain mean and sarcastic! I didn't realize it but He was refining my character while also helping me get rid of things that were holding our relationship back. And it was real easy at first, giving up things like the crazy music I listened to or the partying lifestyle. But then it got harder, having to give up certain friendships, give up my zany driving skills (haha, I'm sure your all thankful for that), give up my addiction to Seinfeld, giving up my need for male companionship, to giving up control of how my day goes. And after a while, I didn't even care cause it was worth it!! Every time I surrendered and allowed Him put to death those things that weren't of Him, thus turning more and more towards Him, I sensed more freedom in my life (2 Corinthians 3:16-18).
Mind you, also during all of this, I started attending a new church where I received lots of healing, learned powerful truths that unlocked bondages, I went to every conference and every meeting, I was so hungry for not just learning about God but experiencing His presence in tangible ways!! I began to fall in love with all of God, embracing the trinity each for their distinctive roles in my life. I learned about His grace, mercy, just so much stuff all packed in a year or so!! God was obviously excited cause its like He put me on a fast track!! Within such a short amount of time, I was being so drastically transformed so quickly that everyone who knew me began to take notice and question what, how, why, WHAT?? I was learning how to give up my own independence and be dependent on Him living in and through me that I was becoming satisfied in Him and finally at peace in life.
And of course, I couldn't do any of this, even loving God without God (John 15:5)!! I think even as Christians, we're prone to try and fix ourselves or just do things ourselves instead of relying on the Holy Spirit and living out the truth of Proverbs 3:5-6. I think we're even sometimes afraid to let people see our weaknesses, much less God! But when I realized He's already given us everything we need to do life with Him (2 Peter 1:3), I knew I couldn't transform myself in my own power...we can however, make choices that allow Him to transform us like my life examples above. We, need to seriously allow the Holy Spirit room to do what He wants in our lives, He'll do a better job anyways!! We've been given the privilege of being alive in these exciting times of the new testament where the Holy Spirit is available to us all the time and without measure, where He is moving in this earth in unprecedented ways and wants us to be a part of it. In fact, right now I'm reading the book, "Forgotten God," by Francis Chan and I highly recommend it for anyone who's sick of cookie-cutter Christianity.
LET'S TURN OURSELVES IN TO THE HANDS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT FOR
THE REWARD OF JESUS....
Whew, if your still reading this, wow, your a trooper. Some teacher, preacher guy said this, "God and Satan are both trying to kill us, but for two different reasons! Christians have one duty: die, die, DIE!! The reason why the church is so powerless today is because of their unwillingness to die!!"
Alas, till this day and till the day I die, I'll continuously be surrendering things and dying to things. Haiti was a beautiful time of suffering, where I learned to die in areas of my life I never knew were there. So how does one surrender and die to themselves? Allow God to show you the things you need to surrender, He's faithful to do it. In my life, either God shows me what I need to surrender or sometimes I can tell when I need to by the amount of stress it causes me, a popular one is our finances or our future. And I love the freedom of not having to control everything like I used to and the freedom of trusting God to guide me in life (Proverbs 3:5-6)!! As far as dying, allow the Holy Spirit to put to death what needs to and in His timing and ask Him to soften your heart so your sensitive to His leading. The process of dying is also being willing to endure pain...but it only lasts so long and the benefits outweigh it all. For example, when Jon and I get into an argument, everything in me wants to stomp and storm out of the place, but in these moments of intense anger, I can feel the Spirit tugging at me, knowing what I need to do. Staying and making an effort to work it out through forgiveness/repentance is painful at first, but I know as I do it, I'm laying down my pride and allowing His humility to rule and reign. Or instead of judging a person, choosing to have mercy. And by no means am perfect at any of this, but I'm just trying to moment by moment in life, consciously choose God's ways instead of what I wanna do, knowing He is the reward (Romans 8, Galatians 6:8-9).
"WHAT YOU FOCUS ON YOU MAKE ROOM FOR IN YOUR LIFE. FOCUS ON GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND SEE HOW YOUR LIFE CHANGES."
- JOHN PAUL JACKSON
And the final course of this hopefully nourishing meal is I woke up from a nap today and Holy Spirit said to me, in the most loving and nurturing way, "there are tough times ahead (in this world) and I'm trying to prepare the bride of Christ, I want to raise up a people who will live out of Christ instead of living out of themselves." Yup. God cares more about us walking in our full inheritance (which is Christ in us) than we do!! Thee God of all creation really does care about us, He cares about His children maturing into powerful people like Daniel in his day and He just wants so much more for us like any parent would. He explained this truth to me, "to live is Christ, to die is gain," and that it means more than we think. That yes, on one hand to die is better because we'll be in Heaven and completely one with Christ, enjoying the fullness of Him without hindrance. But He also explained that it's also the key to how we can live victorious, Christ-like lives where we won't be moved or shaken by the things that are going to unravel in this world. That dying to ourselves is gain when we know that our inheritance will be living out of Christ (His strength, wisdom, everything) and not out of ourselves (our own wisdom, agendas, etc.)...John 16:24-25. Where we're not struggling trying to live a godly life with God as an accessory to life, but learning to trust Him with every ounce of our life, giving Him our all, allowing Him to not just be on the sidelines of our lives but to totally consume every part of our life....knowing He's got a better life for us (John 10:10).
ABUNDANT LIFE, GREEK 'ZOE' - THE HIGHEST AND BEST OF WHO CHRIST IS AND WHICH HE GIVES TO THE SAINTS...THE HIGHEST FORM OF BLESSEDNESS
- Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible
I pray that you've somehow been blessed by this, I pray the testimonies of my life could bring life and encouragement to others and I pray even as you've been reading it, that He's spoken to your heart about His desires for your life in Him. I pray Holy Spirit will strengthen you with the perseverance to get through the growing pains of living more surrendered to Him and that He just reveals more of this to you. I also pray this over Jon and I and for all our brothers and sisters in Christ, I know it's a lot to take in and if you have any questions, concerns, complaints, or want resources to help you in your journey or just anything, don't hesitate to write us....jonandtami@gmail.com
GOD IS MORE COMMITTED TO US COMING INTO THE FULLNESS OF OUR DESTINY
THAN WE ARE OR CAN EVER BE!!
- tami
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